England have finally remembered how to score goals, thrashing Croatia 4-2 in Dallas and prompting a nationwide premature ejaculation of optimism before the inevitable penalty shootout defeat. Elsewhere, Cristiano Ronaldo looked every one of his 41 years, proving that Father Time is the only defender you simply cannot dribble past. On home soil, World Rugby has decided to emasculate the grassroots game by banning tackles above the sternum, ensuring the next generation will be experts in passive waving.
England Thrash Croatia in World Cup Opener
Ronaldo Struggles as Portugal Held Draw
World Rugby Mandates Lower Tackle Height
Erotic Theatrical Rock
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Dallas heat on the skin
Four-two, let the good times in
Croatia left in the dust
England's showing signs of lust
But age comes for us all, my friend
The legs betray us in the end
Ronaldo's running stood still
A statue on a grassy hill
[Pre-Chorus]
Class is permanent, they always say
But pace is strictly holiday
And while the sponsors count the cost
The beautiful game is gently lost
[Chorus]
It's the tackle of love, below the sternum, babe
A gentle embrace, hands along for the ride
The whistle blows soft, the players behave
Safety first with nowhere to hide
Just the tackle of love
The sanitised shove
[Verse 2]
Vozinha crying in the net
The only human you will get
Mother's arms around her son
While agents count what they have won
A moment pure, a moment sweet
Before the sponsors restart the beat
And back in Worcester from the ash
Joe Launchbury is finding cash
[Pre-Chorus]
Feyi-Waboso's fit to play
Mitchell's ready for the day
The Twickenham crowd will roar and sway
World Rugby has its gentle way
[Chorus]
It's the tackle of love, below the sternum, babe
A gentle embrace, hands along for the ride
The whistle blows soft, the players behave
Safety first with nowhere to hide
Just the tackle of love
The sanitised shove
[Bridge]
No contact above the chest
Put the warrior to the test
Greet your auntie at the door
That's what rugby is used for
Wrap your arms and hold them close
A gentle hug, a sweet repose
Erotic violence, safely staged
The rulebook's critically engaged
[Guitar Solo]
[Verse 3]
July approaches with its laws
The game has lost its teeth and claws
The sponsors smile, the money flows
While everyone just strikes a pose
Cape Verde tears, a real embrace
The rest is just a commercial space
[Outro]
Below the sternum
Keep it low
Keep it soft
Keep it slow
The tackle of love
[Whisper] The tackle of love...