As the mercury rises in Miami and the President commandeers the nation's 250th birthday bash for a partisan knees-up, one begins to suspect the heat isn't the only thing addling American wits. While the administration plays whack-a-mole with birth tourism and Seattle cordons off 'protest zones' that are about as popular as a wet weekend in Wigan, the rest of the populace is busy either committing crimes on cruise ships or taking relationship advice from The Sopranos. It’s a chaotic tapestry of political tribalism and wilful ignorance, where the only thing more inflated than the price of petrol is the collective ego of the ruling class. Frankly, it’s enough to make one pine for a quiet lie-down in a darkened room.
Trump Administration Birth Tourism and 250th Birthday Plans
Montana Senate Race and Republican Midterm Prospects
Seattle World Cup Protests and Cultural News
Spiteful Aggressive British Teen Pop-Rock Boy Band Fusion
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
They're kicking doors in Lagos town
For the crime of being born upside down
While Donald seizes the parade
For a birthday party he hand-made
Congress sitting on the shelf
While he plans it all himself
Montana Democrats split the vote
And hand the bastards the winning note
[Pre-Chorus]
Gas prices stuck like chewing gum
On the shoe of the kingdom come
They promised us a golden age
Now we're scrolling through the rage
[Chorus]
So stay inside your designated zone
Do exactly what you're told
Keep your protest nice and sweet
Confined behind a velvet rope
Alabama, Georgia runoff
Another test for the oilman's cuff
They're measuring the influence
By the millions spent on ignorance
Designated zone
Designated zone
[Verse 2]
Seattle tried to draw a line
But the crowd just walked right past the sign
World Cup protesters ignoring the rules
Like teenagers ditching schools
The New York Times in hot water
Nick forgot to sign the charter
Bill Gates smiling from the page
Undisclosed ties in the golden cage
[Pre-Chorus]
And somewhere on a Carnival ship
A teenager let the darkness slip
His stepsister lost beneath the stars
Another tragedy in leisure's bars
[Chorus]
So stay inside your designated zone
Do exactly what you're told
Keep your protest nice and sweet
Confined behind a velvet rope
Alabama, Georgia runoff
Another test for the oilman's cuff
They're measuring the influence
By the millions spent on ignorance
Designated zone
Designated zone
[Bridge]
Pantoliano says he knows the cure
For the heat and the noise we must endure
Meditation, medication
And a bit of self-administration
Wank yourself to inner peace
While the temps increase and increase
It's the Trinity of getting by
While the midterms slowly die
[Key Change]
[Final Chorus]
So stay inside your designated zone
Do exactly what you're told
Keep your protest nice and sweet
Confined behind a velvet rope
Alabama, Georgia runoff
Another test for the oilman's cuff
They're measuring the influence
By the millions spent on ignorance
Designated zone
Stay inside your designated zone
[Outro]
[Shout] Stay in line!
Designated zone
[Shout] Don't cross the tape!
Designated zone
[Spoken] Just wank and meditate, kids.
[Glockenspiel fades]