As President Trump celebrates his octogenarian status by staging cage fights on the hallowed South Lawn, one must admire the poetic symmetry of a presidency duking it out for relevance whilst the world quite literally burns and crashes around us. Spencer Pratt has found his most improbable ally yet in the siblings of the Mayor he seeks to sue, proving that in Los Angeles, fire makes for stranger political bedfellows than even the most fevered reality TV producer could script. From the tragedy of Rio to the sheer, unadulterated villainy of robbing a lemonade stand in Boston, humanity is putting on a thoroughly wretched show, whilst Rod Stewart croaks his way through cancelations only to miraculously recover for a kickabout. It is a week where the surreal has become mundane, and the only honest emotional reaction comes from a bearded pundit blubbing during the Star-Spangled Banner.
Trump hosts UFC fights at White House
California wildfire lawsuits and voting rights
Oliver Tree dead in Rio helicopter crash
Romantic Variations
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The harpsichord plays soft and low
A gentle theme of love and woe
In Rio's skies, the rotor blades
Have cast a singer in the shade
While Missouri mourns twelve souls below
Who trusted wings enough to go
[Harpsichord Variation 1]
[Verse 2]
The South Lawn gladiators fight
Beneath the birthday candle light
Eight decades worn upon the brow
And mixed martial arts to wow
The young male voters drifting far
From shooting stars and fondant cars
A spectacle of blood and grace
To save a fading polling base
[String Swell]
[Chorus]
And we look up from down below
At tragedies we've come to know
The helicopter's sudden fall
The aircraft's final, desperate call
While presidents and princes play
Their games to seize another day
Oh, gravity treats all the same
The seeker and the seeker's aim
[Celesta Flourish]
[Verse 3]
The Palisades fire's bitter smoke
Has spawned a farce, a cruel joke
When Spencer Pratt and Kenneth Bass
Unite to sue with style and class
The Mayor stands accused today
Of letting blessed burnouts stay
A soap opera cancelled late
Resurrected now by fate
[Viola da Gamba Solo]
[Verse 4]
In California's golden lands
The lawyers wash their weary hands
While Shasta County stands its ground
To keep the ballot boxes bound
The courts must parse what freedom means
In counties caught in twisted schemes
And Boston's finest made arrest
Of fourteen years at cruel behest
[French Horn Passage]
[Bridge]
A lemonade stand robbed by child
Of armed and desperate nature wild
So Dickensian in petty scope
It hangs like rope, it hangs like rope
While Rod Stewart takes the doctor's cure
Then flies to Boston, sits so pure
To watch the Scotland colours fly
While cancelled tickets fade and die
[Harpsichord Variation 2]
[Chorus]
And we look up from down below
At tragedies we've come to know
The helicopter's sudden fall
The aircraft's final, desperate call
While presidents and princes play
Their games to seize another day
Oh, gravity treats all the same
The seeker and the seeker's aim
[Outro]
A toll-free strait, an Iranian deal
None of it now seems quite real
The pundits watch with glassy gaze
As Alexi weeps in patriot haze
And I remain here, singing sweet
Of all the news we've come to meet
The variations end their turn
With nothing left for us to learn
[Final Harpsichord Fade]