In a news day defined by spectral tenants and elusive winners, we learn that the only things more persistent than the ghosts haunting Welsh pubs are the allergies plaguing poor Yann Jennings, who must jet off to America just to discover if he’s allowed to eat a nut. Back on British soil, property porn reaches its zenith with a £1.5m mansion and a £35,000 bargain in an abandoned mining village—because nothing says 'dream home' like total isolation or a hefty mortgage. Even the National Lottery is teasing us with 'two chances to win,' though we all know the odds remain as ghostly as the spirits at the Three Pigeons Inn. It seems the only thing more certain than a World Cup match against Haiti is that we’ll all be stuck in a haunted house we can’t afford.
Boy with severe allergies travels to US
Welsh haunted pub and mansion for sale
Pride Cymru festival and World Cup fixtures
Indifferent Motorik Honky-Tonk
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Relentless motorik drum beat with mechanical piano stabs]
[Verse 1]
Young Yann Jennings can't touch a prawn
Can't go near a cat 'til the allergy's gone
His folks are flying out to the U.S. of A.
Just so the poor kid can eat nuts someday
Meanwhile in the Guardian, look at this spread
A couple fled London, that's what it said
Bought them a castle, a mortgage of death
One point five million, held together by breath
[Chorus]
Thirty-five grand gets you half of a house
In a village that time quite forgot
One point five million for stone from a castle
And a view of a very expensive plot
I don't know what you've got in the bank
But I'm willing to bet it's not
Quite enough for the mansion
Or the ghost in the forgotten slot
[Verse 2]
Down in Troedrhiwfuwch, there's one place left
The rest of the locals already went west
Thirty-five thousand, it's going cheap
Abandoned by everyone, up a steep street
No neighbours to bother you, no one to call
Just the sound of the wind and nothing at all
Meanwhile Pride Cymru is filling the streets
With glitter and banners and dancing and beats
[Bridge]
Over in Graigfechan, the Three Pigeons waits
They're looking for punters to sign up for fates
Three ghosts in the attic and Owain's old ghost
And a bar that's reported to hosts what you fear most
The owners are leaving, they've had quite enough
Of things going bump and that poltergeist stuff
Scotland plays Haiti, the World Cup is on
But nobody knows what channel it's on
[Chorus]
Thirty-five grand gets you half of a house
In a village that time quite forgot
One point five million for stone from a castle
And a view of a very expensive plot
I don't know what you've got in the bank
But I'm willing to bet it's not
Quite enough for the mansion
Or the ghost in the forgotten slot
[Verse 3]
The Lotto is waiting, the Thunderball too
Two chances to maybe escape what you do
And Halle Cooley was on Netflix, surviving the wild
Turns out her old job was a bit weird and mild
The death notices wait in the local gazette
A list of the people that we won't forget
Or probably will by this time next week
The cycle continues, the headlines look bleak
[Outro]
Just thirty-five grand for a house with no friends
One point five million where the driveway ends
Allergies, ghosts, and a televised match
And the rest of us wondering which way to scratch
[Spoken] Same time tomorrow then
[Fade out on motorik beat and dying organ drone]