Saturday in Wales kicks off with the usual blend of chaos and capitalism: cliffs are crumbling onto dog walkers, beaches are being evacuated for controlled explosions, and the A470 is living up to its reputation as a permanent car park. Yet amidst the geological instability and traffic carnage, a teenager is flogging vintage football shirts to escape university debt, proving once again that the only growth industry left is nostalgia. Still, at least the King’s Birthday Honours are handing out gongs, offering a shiny distraction from the fact that we’re all just one falling rock away from a headline. It’s a dizzying mix of tragedy, commerce, and the distinct feeling that the island is quite literally falling apart.
Wales Road Closures and Emergency Incidents
King's Birthday Honours 2026 Wales List
Coastal Safety and Cliff Collapses in Wales
Sexual Contemporary Jazz
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
We were walking dogs at Southerndown
When the cliffs decided to come down
Couples scattering like frightened birds
From the geology, no spoken words
Just the sound of rock against the sand
Another hazard in this pleasant land
Nature doesn't care for your romantic plans
[Spoken] She's got her own demands
[Chorus]
Rest Bay, Rest Bay
Evacuate the beach, go away
They found something in the sand today
So they're blowing it to kingdom come
Controlled explosion, just for fun
Rest Bay, Rest Bay
Nothing like a detonation
To spice up your vacation
[Verse 2]
The A-four-eight-seven's closed both ways
Someone had a serious kind of day
Air ambulance on the A-four-seven
Gwynedd roads are a gift from heaven
If you fancy dice with death at speed
On Welsh tarmac, you'll surely bleed
[Spoken] Lovely scenery though
[Bridge]
Eighty-four names on the King's nice list
David Emmanuel, tell me what you missed
You dressed a princess, now you've got a medal
While the cliffs are crumbling, heavy as lead
She's been gone for decades, love
But you still miss her, fitting like a glove
The honours system keeps us all distracted
While the roads are cracked and the beaches fractured
[Rhodes Piano and Tenor Saxophone Improvisation]
[Verse 3]
Teenage girl with vintage shirts
Thirty-five grand and no more hurts
Eleri Williams, smart as a whip
While the rest of us can barely tip
University debt is quite the chain
But football shirts will numb the pain
Ninety-three million poetry posts online
Everyone's a poet, no one's got the time
[Chorus]
Rest Bay, Rest Bay
Evacuate the beach, go away
They found something in the sand today
So they're blowing it to kingdom come
Controlled explosion, just for fun
Rest Bay, Rest Bay
David Mitchell's back, they say
Ludwig's better than Death in Paradise
[Spoken] Whatever gets you through the night
[Outro]
Cliffs fall down
Roads close up
Beaches blow
And we just shrug
That's Wales for you, love
That's Wales for you
[Fade out with sustained accordion swell]