In a classic British summer mix of the sublime and the ridiculous, the King dubs a rugby player and the Gruffalo lady while the Treasury apparently thinks funding a defence bank is far too dangerous for the national purse. Scotland is losing its collective mind over a World Cup appearance, proving that hope springs eternal even after three decades of disappointment, while England's footballers are busy getting their training kit nicked in Kansas—a perfect metaphor for the nation's geopolitical standing. Melinda French Gates is finally enjoying decaf coffee and birdwatching after realising her ex-husband had questionable taste in friends, proving that the best revenge really is living well with billions in the bank.
Sinfield and authors lead honours list
Scotland World Cup fever and England theft
Melinda French Gates on Epstein and divorce
Joyous Electro-Soul Grime-Fusion
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
They're handing out the medals like it's going out of style
Sir Kevin's got the knighthood for going that extra mile
Running seven marathons for a cause that really matters
While the Treasury is busy with their verbal cocktail splatters
Dames Blackman and Donaldson, they've earned their royal letter
For stories that have made the hearts of children feel much better
It's a Dissolution Honour's list of those who've really tried
While the mandarins in Whitehall find new places they can hide
[Chorus]
Glory boys and paper trails
Selling off the family silver while the country fails
But don't you worry, don't you fret
It's the finest honours list that money hasn't gotten yet
Yeah, we're shining, we're divine
Everything is absolutely, bloody fine
[Verse 2]
Scotland's getting ready for their first World Cup in years
That feverish optimism wiping away all the tears
Twenty-eight years of waiting, now they're heading to the stage
While England's landed in Kansas in a thoroughly different cage
The training gear went missing, someone nicked the entire kit
A logistical embarrassment that's really rather fit
It's a metaphor for everything that's going slightly wrong
When you can't protect your football shirts, your defence ain't that strong
[Chorus]
Glory boys and paper trails
Selling off the family silver while the country fails
But don't you worry, don't you fret
It's the finest honours list that money hasn't gotten yet
Yeah, we're shining, we're divine
Everything is absolutely, bloody fine
[Bridge]
John Healey's mates are pointing fingers at the Treasury's locked door
Blocking involvement in a defence bank for reasons unexplored
Meanwhile the activists have found a brand new legal classification
Criminal damage counts as terror in a landmark situation
And Melinda's talking bout her meetings with a monster from the past
Seventy summer reads to make the horror go down fast
Harry's back at Wembley with his X Factor display
While Jessie conquers China after cancer went away
[Half-Time Drop]
Everything is fine
Everything is brilliant
Read another book
Look the other way
[Chorus]
Glory boys and paper trails
Selling off the family silver while the country fails
But don't you worry, don't you fret
It's the finest honours list that money hasn't gotten yet
Yeah, we're shining, we're divine
Everything is absolutely, bloody fine
[Outro]
Absolutely fine
Absolutely divine
Just don't read the news
Just don't read the news