In a news cycle where a high school lacrosse team gets bollocked for fake cigars while actual murder suspects cut plea bargains, one truly begins to question the referee's eyesight. The NBA has apparently discovered that dropping the 'woke' sermonising and rolling out the red carpet for Trump is a splendid way to get the yanks watching again—proof that nothing unites a crowd quite like a bit of authoritarian pandering. Meanwhile, the Democrats are desperately attempting to stop 'pandering' to Latino voters, which is a bit like a drunk declaring he's 'sobering up' to win back his ex-wife. It’s all a bit much, isn’t it? Thank heavens for Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini, the only honest thing on the docket.
GOP ActBlue Probe Sparks Political Outrage
NBA Finals Ratings Surge Amid Trump Pivot
Ipswich Lacrosse Team Forfeits Over Cigars
Intimate Old School Hip Hop
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The Democrats are screaming foul play today
Investigations into funding coming their way
They frame it as an attack, a targeted strike
Against powerful women, or something like
Meanwhile they're pivoting, changing their stance
Dropping cultural pandering, taking a chance
The Latino voters they courted before
Are yesterday's news as they head for the door
Graham Platner's the nominee up in Maine
Facing Trump's wrath on the political plain
Susan Collins sits waiting, the battle begins
While everyone wonders who actually wins
[Chorus]
It's the plea deal waltz, step light on the floor
The death penalty's off, not needed no more
Justice gets bargained, the system's for sale
While politicians pretend that they just might not fail
[Baritone Saxophone]
[Verse 2]
The University of Florida picked someone new
A president who knows exactly what to do
Embracing diversity and Donald too
A feat of gymnastics, I swear it's true
The intellectual somersaults, gold medal grade
Whatever you believe, he's got it made
The NBA Finals are rating quite well
They welcomed Trump and rang the bell
Silenced the messaging, opened the door
Proving that cash is what matters for sure
[Bridge]
[Spoken] But here's the thing...
In a world of plea deals and political turns
Fictional mobsters, the lesson one learns
The Sopranos ended over a decade ago
Yet fans keep analyzing the final show
Elizabeth Hurley in yellow so bright
Defying the years in the bikini light
While real life crumbles and systems decay
At least Tony's family is still okay
[Verse 3]
Ipswich High School, lacrosse team dreams
A photograph ended it, or so it seems
Fake cigars in a picture, that's all it took
Their championship gone, closed like a book
The Inquisition would nod with pride
At punishments that the school applied
In a world of nonsense, we carry on
Until the last satirical verse is gone
[Chorus]
It's the plea deal waltz, step light on the floor
The death penalty's off, not needed no more
Justice gets bargained, the system's for sale
While politicians pretend that they just might not fail
[Outro]
[Fender Rhodes Solo]
[Spoken] Keep dancing...
[Whispered] They certainly are.