In a nation where 'corridor care' is the new standard and you can't even buy a decent flea powder without a prescription, it's refreshing to see Mike Ashley desperately trying to spend £1.73 billion on something that actually fits. While the class of 2026 graduates from Oxford straight to the frozen food aisle, at least unemployed graduates can take comfort in knowing 48 World Cup teams will provide 108 hours of distraction from their existential dread. It turns out smacking your kids lowers their GCSE grades, though judging by the million young people currently sat at home eating £1 curries, the education system seems to be doing a bang-up job of that all on its own.
NHS corridor care crisis hits 3,000 patients
One million UK youth not in education or employment
Mike Ashley bids £1.73bn for Hugo Boss
Sultry Quiet Storm
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Three thousand souls in corridors today
Lying on trolleys, waiting for a bed
The N.H.S. is fading soft and slow
Like a lover who has given up the ghost
I watch the trolleys lined up in the hall
No dignity for anyone at all
The system's flatlined but we keep it warm
A slow collapse that's treated as the norm
[Chorus]
Oh, this corridor of love
Stretching out for miles
Hospital blues and no more smiles
Corridor of love, baby
Where the treatment's free
But you wait until eternity
[Verse 2]
A million young with nothing left to do
N.E.E.T.s drifting in the morning dew
Oxford dreams now served on plastic trays
One pound meals for graduates these days
The care homes need the workers from abroad
But visa rules have locked the final door
A Catch-22 that nobody ignores
We need them here but show them to the door
[Chorus]
Oh, this corridor of love
Stretching out for miles
Hospital blues and no more smiles
Corridor of love, darling
Where the treatment's free
But you wait until eternity
[Bridge]
Mike Ashley wants a billion point seven three
To grab the German fashion industry
While graduates eat Iceland in the dark
And police die young and Belfast burns its mark
Seventy-two matches in the group stage now
A marathon that makes you wonder how
We find the time to watch our nations play
While everything just crumbles and decays
[Soprano Saxophone Solo]
[Verse 3]
Researchers proved what thinking people knew
That striking children holds them back it's true
A lower IQ for the ones who're beat
A scientific study on defeat
The fleas are safe from over-the-counter cures
While comedians try to bridge what just endures
A fractured land that cannot find its feet
Just bad news served on repeat
[Chorus]
Oh, this corridor of love
Stretching out for miles
Hospital blues and no more smiles
Corridor of love, baby
Where the treatment's free
But you wait until eternity
[Outro]
Just lie back on the trolley, dear
The corridor is waiting here
Corridor of love
Corridor of love
We're all just waiting here