As the colonies gear up for their semiquincentennial with George Washington’s resurrected home-brew, one supposes they’ll need the drink to wash down the bitter taste of modern governance. While Lonzo Ball rewrites Knicks history with the confidence of a man who’s never seen Patrick Ewing play, the Senate is busy playing musical chairs with voting rights, and the President is determined to name a riverside promenade after himself—because if you can’t save democracy, you might as well pave it. It’s a heady cocktail of sporting revisionism, technological gluttony, and political farce, garnished with a £100 million university settlement and a spot of light treason in California. Cheers to the future, assuming the AI data centres don’t drink the power grid dry first.
NBA Finals and Knicks Legacy Debate
US Politics and Election Integrity
Technology, AI and Historical Milestones
Spiteful Electro-Punk Disco Fusion
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Analogue Synthesiser build-up]
[Punchy Drum Machine kicks in]
Yeah...
[Verse 1]
Lonzo says that Jalen is the king of New York
While geriatrics wheeze into their cutlery fork
They're choking on the pretzels and the memories of old
When the Knicks had some decency and tickets weren't sold
To the highest bidder, it's a revisionist scam
George Washington's beer in a subsidised dram
The library and TALEA with a colonial twist
Two hundred and fifty years of taking the piss
[Chorus]
[Brass Stabs]
Bottle up the history and sell it by the pint
Pasteurise the legacy and pretend it's all right
We've got heritage brand and a functional void
No government working, just a flavour to avoid
[Shout] Drink it down!
[Verse 2]
Four Republicans crossing the floor with a grin
Tank the amendments so the voters can't win
The SAVE Act is drowning in the senator's bath
While the President sketches his own golden path
A promenade at Lincoln with his name on the stone
A monument to ego on a taxpayer's throne
And Hasan on the stream screaming homo-fascism
Because the primary didn't fit his algorithm
[Bridge]
[Break down - Overdriven Bass Guitar pulse]
[Spoken] Meanwhile...
A hundred million dollars at Ohio State
To silence the survivors and to mitigate
The institutional rot in the American core
While they funnel restricted tech to an illegal war
The Postal Service borrows from the pension pot
A stop-gap solution for a debt that's forgot
And the AI is hungry for a power plant's feed
Devouring the future with a ravenous greed
[Guitar Solo]
[Distorted Electric Guitar - aggressive and noisy]
[Chorus]
[Brass Stabs]
Bottle up the history and sell it by the pint
Pasteurise the legacy and pretend it's all right
We've got heritage brand and a functional void
No government working, just a flavour to avoid
[Shout] Drink it down!
[Outro]
[Tempo increase]
The President tweets that the counting's a heist
(It's a heist, it's a heist)
California dreams in a democratic fist
(a democratic fist)
Nostalgia's the drug and we're all on the list
[Shout] CHEERS!
[Final Brass Stab]