Welcome to the blinding future, where artificial intelligence designs our vaccines while actual human intelligence remains in critically short supply. Prince Andrew is apparently running a cottage industry—literally—from Royal Lodge, proving that for some, the concept of a 'grace and favour' home is really more of a 'grift and profit' enterprise. Meanwhile, the military warns we're in the most dangerous period in living memory, which is awfully inconsiderate given that students are already overwhelmed by their maths exams. Between a global dating drought and Gaza grinding to a halt, it seems the only thing not in short supply is despair.
Prince Andrew Royal Lodge sub-letting scandal exposed
AI-designed vaccine developed by Cambridge scientists
UK military chief warns of Russian security threat
Joyous Folkloric Grime-Metal Fusion
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Distorted electric bouzouki riff builds over pulsing 808 bass]
[War drums thunder with frame drum flourishes]
Yeah! It's the good life, innit?
Everything's coming up roses!
[Group chant] GOLDEN! GOLDEN!
[Verse 1]
Cambridge boffins popping corks for the algorithm's cure
A.I. designed your vaccine, mate, the future's at your door
But ask the Defence Staff while the Russian subs glide by
Most dangerous in memory? Aye, but don't ask why
We're healing you with robots while the borders fade to grey
Progress is a beautiful thing, enjoy your Judgement Day!
[Chorus]
It's a Golden Age, boyo, can't you feel the glow?
[Group chant] SHINE BRIGHT!
The kids can't do their sums and the enemies won't slow
[Group chant] THAT'S RIGHT!
We've got jabs made by machines and war drums in the channel
Everything's brilliant, everything's in panel
It's a Golden Age, I tell you, watch the brilliant sparks!
[Group chant] LIGHT IT UP!
The algorithm saves your life while the fleet patrols the darks!
[Verse 2]
Twenty thousand signatures say the maths paper was rough
Overwhelmed? They're crumbling, mate, they haven't got the stuff
And down at the courthouse where the justice should be blind
The intellectually limited are leaving courts behind
Teen rapists walking free, now there's a legal innovation
Cognitive capacity the new excuse across the nation
The system's buckling under, but the grifters play their games
While Prince Andy rents the cottages and pockets little claims!
[Pre-Chorus]
[Euphoric synth pipes swell]
Sub-letting Royal Lodge, the grift that keeps on giving
Parasitic? Course it is! But look at how he's living!
[Chorus]
It's a Golden Age, boyo, can't you feel the glow?
[Group chant] SHINE BRIGHT!
The kids can't do their sums and the enemies won't slow
[Group chant] THAT'S RIGHT!
We've got jabs made by machines and war drums in the channel
Everything's brilliant, everything's in panel
It's a Golden Age, I tell you, watch the brilliant sparks!
[Group chant] LIGHT IT UP!
The algorithm saves your life while the fleet patrols the darks!
[Bridge]
[Fiddle aggressive counter-melody over blast-beats]
Blaenau's got its Iphigenia, austerity's cruel stage
Greek tragedy in Welsh town, turning every page!
South Korea's youth stop dating, they've given up the ghost
While Gaza runs out of everything that matters most
Gas and spare parts gone, bakeries on their knees
Emergency services crumbling in the Mediterranean breeze
But Barnaby's dead and Gaby asks the questions no one wants to hear
Culture war rhetoric won't save them, will it, dear?
[Guitar Solo]
[Crushing metallic guitar with triumphant synthesizer hooks]
[War drums cascade into euphoric breakdown]
[Verse 3 - Double Time Flow]
Look at the fabric fraying at the edges of the state
Everything's connected and everything's on a plate
Education system's drowning, security's a mess
The Prince is playing landlord and the youth are in distress
Woke kills? That's the headline? While the bodies hit the floor?
Public safety's just a concept that we don't believe in anymore!
A.I. vaccines for the body, nothing for the soul!
Golden Age is crumbling and we've lost all control!
[Chorus]
It's a Golden Age, boyo, can't you feel the glow?
[Group chant] SHINE BRIGHT!
The kids can't do their sums and the enemies won't slow
[Group chant] THAT'S RIGHT!
We've got jabs made by machines and war drums in the channel
Everything's brilliant, everything's in panel
It's a Golden Age, I tell you, watch the brilliant sparks!
[Group chant] LIGHT IT UP!
The algorithm saves your life while the fleet patrols the darks!
[Outro]
[Group chant builds] GOLDEN! GOLDEN!
[Fiddle and synth intertwine deliriously]
Everything's fine!
[Sub-bass drops euphorically]
Everything's absolutely bloody fine!
[Final crash of war drums and frame drums]
Yeah!