As the UN warns of a record-breaking El Niño ready to bake us all, the National Trust suggests a spot of vigilance might ward off the sewage, which is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike. Lloyds has successfully misplaced the nation’s money in a digital void, while Meta magnanimously offers workers a thirty-minute respite from their own surveillance state—just enough time to weep in the bogs. Still, it warms the cockles to see water voles return to Farnham; they’ll presumably need a sturdy umbrella and a gas mask given the current state of our waterways.
UN warns of strongest El Niño in decades
Lloyds Banking Group app outage hits users
Meta introduces limited employee tracking opt-out
Intimate Grief-Funk Fusion
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The U.N. says El Niño's coming round again
Could be the strongest one in decades, so they tell us, friend
Pushing temperatures to places they should never go
While I'm just trying to check my balance on my phone
Lloyds, Halifax, the Bank of Scotland too
The apps are down and I can't access anything I own
It's funny how the modern world feels ancient when it breaks
Just standing in the kitchen staring at my mistakes
[Chorus]
And the water's rising up
And the servers going down
We're all just treading water
In this digital hometown
Thirty minutes of freedom
Then they track you once again
Just enough time for a panic attack
Before the working day begins
[Verse 2]
There's pollution at Portstewart Strand, so don't go in the sea
The National Trust put warnings out for you and me
Meanwhile a farmer picks up litter from his fields each day
While somewhere up in Farnham, water voles are making play
Three hundred of them released after twenty years away
It's touching really, if you ignore the mess we've made
The wildlife's fighting battles that we've already lost
Paying for the damage that our convenience cost
[Bridge]
Meta says they're generous now
You can opt out of the tracking system somehow
But only for thirty minutes at a time
Just enough to breathe
Not enough to change your mind
WhatsApp's got an A.I. agent charging by the token
And Google lets us opt out while the internet lies broken
Everything's for sale and nothing's really free
We're just products in a system that can't even see
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus]
And the water's rising up
And the servers going down
We're all just treading water
In this digital hometown
Thirty minutes of freedom
Then they track you once again
Just enough time for a panic attack
Before the working day begins
[Outro]
Just enough time
Just enough time
To panic
Before they track you
One more time