If you’re keeping score at home, the apocalypse is currently running fashionably late but sending mixed signals: bears are shutting down Japanese schools, bandits in Nigeria are abducting people via Outlook calendar invites, and the ground is shaking from the Philippines to Florida. Iranian warnings are being ignored with the same enthusiasm as a GDPR notification, whilst criminal cartels sponsor the World Cup and Afghan police break up women’s protests with live ammunition. The only good news? A robot boat saved some Americans, proving that at least the machines are treating us better than we treat each other.
Earthquakes Strike Philippines Cuba and Florida
Nigerian Bandits Abduct Peace Talk Delegates
Iran Israel Tensions and World Cup Crime
Optimistic Apocalyptic Sunshine Skiffle
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Whistling melody over brisk acoustic strumming]
[Boot-stomping rhythm kicks in]
[Washboard scrape]
[Verse 1]
Well the ground started shaking all over Cuba
Felt it down in Florida, a proper old rumble
The strongest in a century, or near abouts that
While the Philippines count the dead where the buildings all flat
And over in Japan, in the schools of Utsunomiya
A bear shut the gates, well I couldn't be happier
Ninety-four closures, the wildlife moved in
Nature's reclaiming the classrooms, it's nature's own win!
[Chorus]
[Group Chant]
And it's all looking up from the bottom of the well!
The world's gone to pot but it's synergising well!
With a stomp of the boot and a scrape of the board
We're singing the blues but we're keeping it broad!
Oh, it's all going wrong but the weather is grand
So pass round the hat and let's give us a hand!
[Kazoo Section]
[Verse 2]
Now the bandits in Nigeria, they've got a new plan
Invited the villagers, the peaceful sort of man
Abducted them all at the peace talks, how rude!
In Afghanistan, police shot women, how crude!
And down in Kenya when they protested the pox
They shot a chap dead, put a lock on the box
And three hundred migrants, bound for the coast
Got caught by a militia for a kidney roast!
[Chorus]
[Group Chant]
And it's all looking up from the bottom of the well!
The world's gone to pot but it's synergising well!
With a stomp of the boot and a scrape of the board
We're singing the blues but we're keeping it broad!
Oh, it's all going wrong but the weather is grand
So pass round the hat and let's give us a hand!
[Bridge]
[Concertina Solo - cascading and bright]
[Tap dancing percussion break]
[Verse 3]
Israel hit Tyre, though Iran said don't dare
And a robot boat saved a crew in the air
The World Cup is on and the cartels are keen
Making millions in Guadalajara, if you know what I mean
It's all going mental, the crust and the sky
But I've got my washboard and I'm getting by!
[Chorus]
[Group Chant]
And it's all looking up from the bottom of the well!
The world's gone to pot but it's synergising well!
With a stomp of the boot and a scrape of the board
We're singing the blues but we're keeping it broad!
Oh, it's all going wrong but the weather is grand
So pass round the hat and let's give us a hand!
[Outro]
[Whistling]
[Spoken]
Lovely day for it, ain't it?
[Stomp, stomp, stomp]
[End]