Another day in Blighty where the knives are out—quite literally in Belfast and North London—while the Conservatives decide the real problem with public services isn't the underfunding, but the troublesome duty to treat everyone equally. West Ham's billionaire appears to have been playing the beautiful game off-pitch with deeply ugly allegations, proving once again that money might buy you a football club but it can't purchase a moral compass. Meanwhile, the British food scene has finally achieved the Brexit voter's dream: making the country so unappealing that even the Michelin stars are packing their bags. On the bright side, dementia patients are refusing to be written off, which is more than can be said for the restaurant industry.
Knife crime and domestic violence cases in UK courts
West Ham owner David Sullivan faces abuse allegations
British restaurant and hospitality industry closures 2026
Optimistic Palladian Chamber-Soul
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Another day in paradise, or so the papers claim
A suspected attempted murder in Belfast, just another name
While up in north London, a house went up in smoke
Clifton George made certain that his partner's heart was broke
He stabbed dear Annabel, then blew the whole place high
Beneath these optimistic, blue and sunny skies
[Chorus]
Oh, everything's coming up roses
Though the thorns are drawing blood
We're keeping stiff upper lips, boys
Smiling through the coming flood
Yes, everything's just splendid
If you don't look underneath
The Special Relationship's blossoming
Like a cold sore on a teeth
[Verse 2]
The courts are rather busy with the tragedies of life
A carer pushed to breaking point, cleared of ending strife
While David Stroud made history, the first of his kind caught
For asking for a kiss and introducing a new thought
The harassment laws are working, or so we're reassured
Equality's a minefield, or so I've recently heard
[Chorus]
Oh, everything's coming up roses
Though the thorns are drawing blood
We're keeping stiff upper lips, boys
Smiling through the coming flood
Yes, everything's just splendid
If you don't look underneath
The Special Relationship's blossoming
Like a cold sore on a teeth
[Bridge]
Kemi declares war on the duties we hold dear
While JD Vance across the pond keeps whispering in our ear
The Special Relationship's thriving, or so we're told with zest
It feels less like a marriage now, more like an unwanted guest
[Verse 3]
The beautiful game shows its ugly face once more
David Sullivan's in the spotlight, allegations at his door
While restaurants are closing, Michelin stars in decline
We've made ourselves so uninviting, which is rather fine
Immigration's plummeted, we've succeeded, haven't we?
In making Britain somewhere no one wants to come and see
[Brass Ensemble Solo]
[Verse 4]
Yet dementia patients are fighting back with spirit and with grace
Refusing to accept that they've been put into their place
The Thundercat is playing, Kacey sings her tunes
The soundtrack to our slow decline beneath the falling moons
But still we keep on smiling, with optimism bright
As chaos rains around us, we pretend it's all alright
[Chorus]
Oh, everything's coming up roses
Though the thorns are drawing blood
We're keeping stiff upper lips, boys
Smiling through the coming flood
Yes, everything's just splendid
If you don't look underneath
The Special Relationship's blossoming
Like a cold sore on a teeth
[Outro]
Coming up roses
Coming up roses
Don't mind the blood
It's all for the best
Keep smiling
Keep smiling
[Spoken] Chin up, old chap. Chin up.