Parliament prepares to drown in a deluge of Mandelson paperwork, a fitting metaphor for a government that has always excelled at generating hot air. The courts have ruled we don't owe Rwanda a penny for their failed deportation holidays, which is a financial win of sortsโthough it rather highlights the ยฃ140 million we already set fire to for absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, our maternity wards are apparently staffed by people who missed their calling as internet trolls, and an athlete won ยฃ149,000 after her boss ghosted an 800-mile meeting, proving that the only way to win in the modern workplace is to litigate.
๐ต (s)Hit of the Day ๐ต
Version 1
Version 2
๐ Lyrics ๐
[Verse 1]
The second batch of files arrived today
A bureaucratic avalanche of grey
They're drowning M.P.s in the Mandelson debris
Transparency for those with time to read
And Rwanda gets to keep the cash, you see
The court says we owe nothing legally
Convenient how the verdict skips the bit
About the millions already spent on it
[Chorus]
And the accordion wheezes like a dying state
The piano's out of tune, but isn't that just great?
We're all just cattle in the abattoir of news
Another scandal and another round of blues
Public servants serving themselves, it's true
The rest of us can wait in queue
[Verse 2]
In Scotland, politicians call for yet
Another inquiry, you can safely bet
That politicians investigating politicians
Is theatre for the television
The midwives have been taking notes, it seems
On how to shatter working-class dreams
They've added classism to the maternity ward
Another indignity expectant mothers can't afford
[Chorus]
And the accordion wheezes like a dying state
The piano's out of tune, but isn't that just great?
We're all just cattle in the abattoir of news
Another scandal and another round of blues
Public servants serving themselves, it's true
The rest of us can wait in queue
[Bridge]
And the beautiful people fall for cults promising eternal things
Because the attractive aren't immune to nonsense in their midst
Rupert's selling memoirs of his youthful flings
A little scandal never hurt a book tour's gentle twist
And nature stays indifferent to our summer plans
A girl of thirteen dying in those northern lands
The terns on Lindisfarne need protecting from the guests
Who claim to love the wildlife while destroying all the rest
[Verse 3]
But here's a tiny victory, a crumb of grace
An athlete won her discrimination case
Drove eight hundred miles to meet her boss that day
He didn't show, didn't bother, stayed away
A hundred and forty-nine thousand pounds the court awarded
For every worker who has sat there and suffered
Through the waiting and the wasted afternoon
While management stays absent,็จณๅฎ็, immune
[Outro]
The waltz continues, the accordion sags
We read the headlines, then we lower all our flags
Another Monday in the grand administrative mess
God save the King, and God help all the rest
[Spoken] God help the rest
The accordion wheezes on