The American Music Awards proved that nostalgia is the only currency left, reuniting the Black Eyed Peas whilst BTS hoovered up trophies and a fictional band from a film somehow beat actual humans. In sombre news, the true Saxophone Colossus Sonny Rollins has departed aged 95, leaving a jazz legacy that makes the rest of the chart fodder look decidedly threadbare. Meanwhile, Carol Kirkwood found Strictly 'terrifying', Venezuela Fury is pursuing a screen career at sixteen after a wedding on the Isle of Man, and we're all urged to buy Taylor Swift's shampoo because apparently, we're all just extras in her bridal-era biopic.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The colossus laid his horn down gently at the age of ninety-five
A titan of the tenor, keeping genuine art alive
While somewhere in a television studio bathed in golden light
They're handing out defendants to the plastic and the bright
A dead track from a demon film has won itself a prize
You don't need vital signs to nab a trophy in this size
The reuniting pea-pod boys are back to shake and spin
While genuine virtuosity grows dreadfully thin
[Chorus]
And the carousel keeps turning in its hypnotising way
With pretty painted horses going nowhere in a day
We mourn the passing giants while we celebrate the small
The funeral processioninterrupting the disco ball
Yes the carousel keeps turning and we're riding for a fall
[Verse 2]
A teenage bride from Venezuela with a surname aptly fierce
Has skipped the gap year tradition for a marriage on a pier
Sixteen and she's spoken for, a woman of the screen
While other children contemplate what university might mean
A certain former flatmate says the First Lady never knew
A shocking revelation that the voting public knew was true
The weather girl confesses that the dancing show was fear
While viewers face the Halloween special every single year
[Chorus]
And the carousel keeps turning in its hypnotising way
With pretty painted horses going nowhere in a day
We mourn the passing giants while we celebrate the small
The funeral procession interrupting the disco ball
Yes the carousel keeps turning and we're riding for a fall
[Bridge]
And don't forget to purchase all the things you do not need
The pop star's volumising shampoo at sixty percent off indeed
Influencer summer co-ords for a heatwave on the way
So we can look like budget stars while the planet starts to fray
The sun beat down on Largs this year, the superstars came out
While a comic genius lost to time gets one more laugh about
A festival in Droitwich shows the things we've never seen
While somewhere in Los Angeles the holographic dream is green
[Chorus]
And the carousel keeps turning in its hypnotising way
With pretty painted horses going nowhere in a day
We mourn the passing giants while we celebrate the small
The funeral procession interrupting the disco ball
Yes the carousel keeps turning and we're riding for a fall
[Outro]
The colossus has departed and the shelves are stacked with goods
Buy the shampoo, buy the clothing, buy the lies
The strings swell up like heartache
And the saxophone replies
Just echoes in the hallway now
Just echoes in the hallway now