As Ebola cases in the DRC triple faster than a politician's promises, the WHO declares the risk 'very high' whilst the US responds with the time-honoured tradition of travel bans—because nothing says 'global leadership' like locking the door and pretending you're not home. President Trump, apparently bored with merely threatening Cuba with military intervention, has decided to keep the geopolitical guessing game alive by cancelling troop deployments to Poland whilst simultaneously promising more of them. Meanwhile, Waymo's robotaxis have discovered the one thing artificial intelligence cannot navigate: a puddle, proving that the machines aren't quite ready to overthrow humanity if a bit of rain brings their entire operation to a halt.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The risk assessment climbs to very high
Beneath an indifferent Congolese sky
Seven hundred and fifty suspected this week
The Bundibugyo strain is mild and meek
No proven vaccine for the dying and weak
While statements are drafted on what we should seek
The rebels in South Kivu block every road
So we pray for the dead that we never bestowed
[Chorus]
Blessed are the policymakers in their wisdom
Blessed are the travel bans and the kingdom
Of structural injustice that we can't quite see
Blessed are we, the Professional Worried
O deliver us from the headlines we scan
And grant us the grace of a sensible plan
[Verse 2]
The Secretary of State said the troops would remain
The President cancelled them, then booked them again
A flip and a flop for the NATO allies
While Poland looks on with exhausted eyes
To Cuba we send our threats from the sea
While blackouts and shortages bring them to knee
The charges are filed against leaders of old
For actions committed in decades of cold
[Bridge]
And a makeup artist deported to hell
Found Spain could provide him a safe place to dwell
He finally feels that he might survive
The Cecot prison where innocence died
And Waymo's robotaxis drove into the flood
A metaphor written in spirit and blood
The algorithms failed to notice the rain
Technological ambition with no functioning brain
[Chorus]
Blessed are the policymakers in their wisdom
Blessed are the travel bans and the kingdom
Of structural injustice that we can't quite see
Blessed are we, the Professional Worried
O deliver us from the headlines we scan
And grant us the grace of a sensible plan
[Outro]
The risk is very high
The risk is very high
The risk is very high
And we are doing what we can
Which is nothing
Amen