Vladimir Putin jetted into Beijing for a state visit, managing to secure a hearty handshake but sadly leaving the petrol station without a pipeline deal—proof that even the strongest bromances have their limits when the bill arrives. Elsewhere, the world has decided to audition for a medieval morality play: an Israeli minister is amusing himself by taunting bound activists, an American doctor with Ebola is being flown to Germany (because healthcare is all about frequent flyer miles), and the US Secretary of State is blaming the WHO for being late to a pandemic whilst simultaneously slashing the budget for the watches. Throw in a potential coup in Bolivia, US jets buzzing Cuba like it's 1962, and a Mango tycoon falling off a cliff, and you have a week that frankly makes one yearn for a quiet lie-down in a dark room.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Vladimir hopped a plane to Beijing, looking for a friend
With a handshake for the cameras and a treaty that won't bend
But when the dinner plates were cleared and the marching bands went home
Xi just smiled and showed him, politely, to the throne
No pipeline signed, no gas deal done, the economy's on fire
So Vlad went back to Moscow with his pride stuck in the wire
[Spoken] Empty-handed, mate. Story of the decade.
[Chorus]
It's the pipeline that never was, the promise that won't stick
The empire's running on fumes and the politics of thick
We're shrugging on the dancefloor while the candles burn away
It's the rumba of the damned, and we're all here to stay
[Verse 2]
Over in the Holy Land, the minister's at it again
Taunting folks in handcuffs like he's scoring cheap political gain
Even allies roll their eyes at the video's display
While the far-right takes a bow and turns the conscience into clay
[Spoken] Appalling. But who's counting anymore?
[Verse 3]
Cold War shadows lengthen, drones are circling Cuba's shore
And Bolivia's doing coups like it's 1954
The American hawks are licking chops, the old scripts never change
Just different actors reading lines within a bloody range
[Chorus]
It's the pipeline that never was, the promise that won't stick
The empire's running on fumes and the politics of thick
We're shrugging on the dancefloor while the candles burn away
It's the rumba of the damned, and we're all here to stay
[Bridge]
Ebola's on a comeback tour that no one asked to book
A hundred-thirty souls are gone with barely second look
The W.H.O. says wait nine months, the vaccine's running late
While Marco cuts the funding and then moans about the fate
[Spoken] "A little late," he says. You couldn't write it.
[Accordion Solo]
[Verse 4]
The Mango king has fallen on a trail amongst the trees
His son is in the cells now, begging authorities
A tragic bit of noir amidst the farce we're living through
While Totó la Momposina sings us something purely true
[Spoken] At least someone left something beautiful behind.
[Guitar Solo]
[Chorus]
It's the pipeline that never was, the promise that won't stick
The empire's running on fumes and the politics of thick
We're shrugging on the dancefloor while the candles burn away
It's the rumba of the damned, and we're all here to stay
[Outro]
Yeah, we're all here to stay
[Shout] Sign nothing!
Just shrugging on the dancefloor
While the world goes on its way
[Spoken] Cheers to that.