Just as the WHO kindly informs us that Ebola is galloping across Central Africa far brisker than anticipated, a Canadian cruise ship passenger has decided to keep things interesting by testing positive for hantavirus—because evidently, a global pandemic was merely the warm-up act for the main event. Back in Blighty, our new Health Secretary James Murray steps into the breach, presumably to discover that the only thing spreading faster than infectious diseases is the national blood pressure, courtesy of the UK's 'saltiest' sandwich. It is a splendid time to be alive, provided you don't ask an AI chatbot for medical advice, unless your symptoms include a desperate need for inaccurate trivia and existential dread.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The WHO are counting bodies in the east
While Canada reports another viral beast
Ebola's running faster than the figures said
And hantavirus has booked a cruiseliner bed
The lethal viruses have cancelled their retreat
They're back in office, walking down the street
And I'm just standing here in front of fading light
Praying that the symptoms don't appear tonight
[Chorus]
We're salt of the earth and we're salt of the grave
Too much sodium is how we misbehave
The body's failing and the spirit's follows through
The sandwich that they served is eating me and you
Oh, we're salt of the earth in a sodium sea
The daily recommended was never meant for me
[Verse 2]
The N.H.S. has got a brand new face
James Murray's stepped into the hallowed place
Wes Streeting's gone and left the building for good
The service runs on biscuits like we knew it would
Stale bourbons and the sheer force of a will
That keeps the wards from standing ever still
A metaphor for policy that's hard to swallow down
Excessive, deadly, likely to drown
[Chorus]
We're salt of the earth and we're salt of the grave
Too much sodium is how we misbehave
The body's failing and the spirit's follows through
The sandwich that they served is eating me and you
Oh, we're salt of the earth in a sodium sea
The daily recommended was never meant for me
[Bridge]
A women's crisis house in Swindon finally sees the light
And Suffolk's trial for womb cancer through the endless night
PMDD brings the Reaper round once every single month
While AI chatbots tell you that you're feeling fine, you runt
Don't trust the algorithm with your bowel or with your brain
It's got the bedside manner of a window pane
The old-fashioned way is how the truth gets told
Before the sodium stops a heart from growing old
[Hammond Organ Solo]
[Chorus]
We're salt of the earth and we're salt of the grave
Too much sodium is how we misbehave
The body's failing and the spirit's follows through
The sandwich that they served is eating me and you
Oh, we're salt of the earth in a sodium sea
The daily recommended was never meant for me
[Outro]
Pass the salt
Pass the salt
It's all we have left
It's all we have left
[Swelling organ chords fade to silence]