Britain remains a land of stark contrasts: we’re apparently world-beaters at golf and finding innovative ways to price people out of their homes, yet utterly useless at catching trains, winning Eurovision, or building railways that don’t bankrupt the nation. While migrants navigate a payment network smoother than the Tube, the rest of us are left screaming on delayed platforms or watching our houses sold for a quid to the highest bidder. Still, at least we’re emotionally mature enough to handle the humiliation of 'nul points' with a stiff upper lip, even if our politicians are still acting like toddlers in a sandpit.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
The Northern Line is gasping for a breath of fresher air
Another strike to strangle what remains of public care
The speedlink to the future has been cancelled by the past
A billion-pound disaster and it wasn't built to last
Some political vanity, a statue made of dust
While slashers on the carriages have shattered all our trust
[Chorus]
Step right up and buy a home for slightly less than wine
The previous owners weeping on the auction room floor line
Repossessed and desperate, a nation stripped completely bare
We're selling off our history and no one seems to care
One pound for the terrace where a family used to live
The bargain of the century, the generosity we give
[Verse 2]
A man in plus-fours swinging at a little painted ball
Has given us some glory, made the standing anthem tall
The first in one hundred years to take that shiny cup
While Vienna gives us nothing as the voting numbers up
Eurovision nul points for the wastrels of the stage
And Aaron Rai the only one displaying something sage
[Bridge]
[Tempo doubled, chaotic jug band breakdown]
The Reform voters screaming for a radical new dawn
Progressive legislation they once spat and mocked with scorn
A study says they want it, though they'd never dare admit
The irony is rich enough to make the cynic split
[Kazoo solo]
[Verse 3]
We're reading books on feelings that we cannot quite express
Emotional maturity in bedsit semi-distress
Trying to raise our children with a functioning回应
Assuming they can ever find a house to settle in
The self-help section's bulging like a politician's purse
We're growing up too late to stop this rolling in a hearse
[Chorus]
Step right up and buy a home for slightly less than wine
The previous owners weeping on the auction room floor line
Repossessed and desperate, a nation stripped completely bare
We're selling off our history and no one seems to care
One pound for the terrace where a family used to live
The bargain of the century, the generosity we give
[Outro]
One quid. One knackered quid.
That's all your lifetime's worth.
Sign here. Keys in the bowl.
Next lot coming through.
[Spoken] Sold. To the gentleman in the cheap suit.
[Harmonium drone fades to silence]