Aaron Rai played the round of his life to win the PGA Championship, proving that nice guys occasionally finish first—though one suspects the chaos elsewhere made the quiet golf course the safest place in the world. Lindsey Graham is busy warning that crossing Trump is political suicide, a revelation slightly less surprising than the news that cruise passengers are still willing to swap norovirus for a buffet ticket. Meanwhile, Spencer Pratt threatens to abandon LA if he isn't elected mayor, a compelling ultimatum that might just secure him the vote of anyone who owns a television. It seems the only thing falling faster than the President's poll numbers are military jets in Idaho, landing safely, unlike the administration's grasp of geopolitical reality.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Aaron Rai found the short stuff
While the rest of us played in the rough
A quiet swing, a moment's grace
Before the news cycle spat in our face
The jets collided in Idaho skies
A neat metaphor for the political lies
The pilots ejected, they'll live to fly
Unlike the moderates left to die
[Pre-Chorus]
Collision seems the only certainty
In a landscape stripped of mercy
[Chorus]
The only winning move is play through the noise
Keep your head down, ignore the poise
Of charlatans dancing on broken glass
Waiting for the midnight buffet to pass
Play through the noise, just play through the noise
[Verse 2]
Lindsey Graham drew a line in the sand
Bill Cassidy couldn't quite understand
The tribute band plays only the hits
Critique the singer and you're in the pits
The G.O.P. train runs strictly on time
One note permitted, one party line
Dare to speak up and you'll find your seat
In the graveyard of the obsolete
[Pre-Chorus]
Collision seems the only certainty
In a landscape stripped of mercy
[Chorus]
The only winning move is play through the noise
Keep your head down, ignore the poise
Of charlatans dancing on broken glass
Waiting for the midnight buffet to pass
Play through the noise, just play through the noise
[Bridge]
Thirty-eight million set sail for the sea
Norovirus floating on the briny breeze
Hantavirus served on the quarter deck
What the hell, mate, what the heck
Netanyahu fumbled the diplomatic ball
Secret visits that weren't secret at all
Tina Peters walks out the gate
While Jared Polis investigates
[Key Change]
[Chorus]
The only winning move is play through the noise
Keep your head down, ignore the poise
Of charlatans dancing on broken glass
Waiting for the midnight buffet to pass
Play through the noise
Spencer Pratt swears he'll quit L.A.
If his mayoral bid fails to save the day
So vote for him or vote for me
Either way, we're all at sea
[Outro]
Play through the noise
Play through the noise
The only winning move