As Starmer gears up for yet another leadership scrap—because governing is so terribly passé—Brexit has politely reared its ugly head like an unwelcome guest at a wedding, while the Met blew the GDP of a small island nation to ensure two groups of angry people didn't accidentally share a cuppa. Meanwhile, the Royal protection squad were allegedly caught napping on the job, presumably exhausted from the sheer effort of guarding a family that costs roughly the same as those new anti-drone missiles Harry Styles could probably pay for out of his loose change. Frankly, between the journalistic death toll and the Venezuelan political hallucinations, waking up late for the school run feels less like a personal failing and more like a rational response to a world gone absolutely bonkers.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Verse 1]
Lisa Nandy says the boss is up for a fight
She's searching for a pulse in the dead of night
A rallying cry or a desperate plea?
Another load of Labour hypocrisy
They're dragging Brexit back onto the floor
Because we haven't suffered enough before
Déjà vu is the national dish
Serve it cold upon your wishing
[Chorus]
[DJ Hype Man: Big up! Big up!]
Yeah, they're up for a fight but there's nobody there
[DJ Hype Man: Tell dem again!]
Up for a fight with the ghosts in the air
Jump up, jump up, the price is right
Four point five mil to avoid a fight
[DJ Hype Man: Bumper!]
Forty-three arrests, what a bargain bin
Keep the kings and the protesters all locked in
[Verse 2]
Over in Berkshire, the Royal Police
Are sleeping on duty, enjoying the peace
A kip on the job is the great British way
Whether guarding the Crown or the M.P.'s pay
Venezuela's in a post-Maduro spin
A Tom Clancy plot that they're acting in
Trump's playing soldier in a surreal display
While journalists die in the worst kind of way
[Chorus]
[DJ Hype Man: Rewind!]
Yeah, they're up for a fight but there's nobody there
[DJ Hype Man: Tell dem again!]
Up for a fight with the ghosts in the air
Jump up, jump up, the price is right
Four point five mil to avoid a fight
[DJ Hype Man: Bumper!]
Forty-three arrests, what a bargain bin
Keep the kings and the protesters all locked in
[Bridge]
[Synth Bass Drop]
Harry Styles is flexing with a ten-night stand
[Hammond Organ Solo]
Touring is over, catch him if you can
The R.A.F. got cheaper missiles in the store
Don't remortgage the barracks no more
And stress will ruin your body, they say
Like finding a fine on the doormat today
Hunting for shoes in the morning run
That's the damage that the stress has done
[Chorus]
[DJ Hype Man: Pull up! Pull up!]
Yeah, they're up for a fight but there's nobody there
[DJ Hype Man: Tell dem again!]
Up for a fight with the ghosts in the air
Jump up, jump up, the price is right
Four point five mil to avoid a fight
[DJ Hype Man: Bumper!]
Forty-three arrests, what a bargain bin
Keep the kings and the protesters all locked in
[Outro]
[Toasting]
Nandy say she ready but the pulse is gone
[DJ Hype Man: Gone!]
Brexit come back like a weary song
[DJ Hype Man: Song!]
Police take a nap while the kingdom falls
[DJ Hype Man: Falls!]
Check the stress levels on the hospital walls
Up for a fight... but nobody's home
[DJ Hype Man: Nobody home!]
Up for a fight... in the comfort zone
[Fade out with Hammond Organ]