While ancient Chinese exercise proves superior to modern medicine for one's blood pressure, America persists with its own traditional remedies: getting plastered and driving into pedestrians in Manhattan. The Supreme Court continues its genteel descent into farce, Louisiana proudly holds elections that count for absolutely nothing, and John Tortorella's silence officially became the most expensive noise in Vegas history. It's a chaotic tableau of drunk drivers, redundant ballots, and a vanished citrus drink, proving that in the colonies, nostalgia and civic dysfunction are the only true constants.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[TB-303 Bass Synthesizer bubbling beneath polyrhythmic congas]
[Fender Rhodes piano enters with minor 7th montuno]
[Baritone Saxophone low growl]
[Verse 1]
Baduanjin, that ancient cure
A gentle stretch, a breath, that's pure
They say it drops the blood pressure down
Like tablets from the chemist in the town
But there's no exercise for the body politic
No ancient move to stop the fit
Of electoral madness sweeping the floor
Just red maps drawn across the door
[Pre-Chorus]
So breathe in deep, hold it tight
While they redistrict in the night
[Chorus]
Lower the pressure, steady the heart
The republic's fading, falling apart
But your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
Yeah, your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
[Trumpet solo with heavy reverb]
[Verse 2]
Up on the Upper West Side they cry
A drunk at the wheel, let the innocents die
Two pedestrians mown down in the street
While serenity's something they'll never meet
And down in Louisiana's heat
They trudge to the polls on weary feet
Cast their ballots with admirable grit
Only to find it doesn't mean shit
[Pre-Chorus]
The maps are redrawn, the rules are changed
The whole damn system's pre-arranged
[Chorus]
Lower the pressure, steady the heart
The republic's fading, falling apart
But your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
Yeah, your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
[Breakdown]
[Conga solo over squelching TB-303]
[Fender Rhodes chords stabs]
[Bridge]
Napoleon Solo won the race
The Preakness moved from its historic place
A nomadic sport for the kings of old
While Vegas coaches do as they're told
Tortorella's silence cost a hundred grand
Plus a draft pick lost from his trembling hand
And Coca-Cola mourns Five Alive
A citrus ghost from nineteen-eighty-five
Online tears for a Reagan-era taste
While the A.C.L.U. moves in haste
A Kansas judge blocks a hateful ban
The civil rights fight goes on and on
[Baritone Saxophone solo]
[Verse 3]
ActBlue's C.E.O. gets the Congressional call
The legal skirmishes, they never stall
From Selma's streets to the Supreme Court's dome
The civic health's on life support at home
But stretch your arms and touch the sky
Baduanjin will get you by
Your body's healthy, your mind is calm
While democracy dies with a bureaucratic yawn
[Chorus]
Lower the pressure, steady the heart
The republic's fading, falling apart
But your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
Yeah, your blood pressure's normal, isn't that grand?
As the circus rolls on across the land
[Outro]
[TB-303 acid squelch builds]
[Montuno piano fades]
Isn't that grand?
[Spoken] Just breathe.
[Conga fade out]
Just breathe.