The UK economy grew by a staggering 0.3% in March, presumably fuelled by Brits panic-buying supplies for the Iran war or splashing out on Palestinian holiday homes they found on Booking.com. In politics, Keir Starmer is sweating bullets as Andy Burnham marches back to Westminster, while the Tories are busy suspending anyone who dares to topple Reform—honest work really is hard to find these days. Meanwhile, Espanyol finally won a match after 143 days of misery, proving that if you wait long enough, something good might actually happen—unless you're a black box user or a meningitis patient in Plymouth. Frankly, the only thing growing faster than the GDP is the list of things we should probably be worried about.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Driving motorik beat establishes, cold angular guitar chords strike]
[Monotone baritone vocal enters]
[Verse 1]
Zero point three on the graph this morning
The experts scratching heads without a warning
Growth like a weed in a car park crack
While the war drums thunder out in Iraq
The economy's rising, the experts surprise
But they won't look at the dead girls' eyes
Brighton beach and a cold grey sea
Three women gone and a cup of tea
[Chorus]
Zero point three, it's a miracle, son
The numbers are up but the feeling is gone
Zero point three on the ledger sheet
While bodies wash up on the shingle beach
It's growth, it's growth, it's growth
[Verse 2]
Down on the West Bank, click your mouse
An ideal rental, a perfect house
Seized from a family, listed online
They're erasing the hills, doing just fine
Booking a holiday, typing your name
While somebody's history goes up in flame
A five-star view of a stolen home
Just check the box and you're good to roam
[Chorus]
Zero point three, it's a miracle, son
The numbers are up but the feeling is gone
Zero point three on the ledger sheet
While bodies wash up on the shingle beach
It's growth, it's growth, it's growth
[Bridge]
[Spoken over relentless bassline]
Andy's coming back through a by-election door
Keir's counting heads on the Commons floor
Wes is positioning, Angela's wait
Ed's still staring at his dinner plate
The vultures circle in a tight little ring
While the black box scheme stops monitoring
Meningitis scare in the morning post
That's the thing that matters most
[Angled guitar solo, icy and dissonant]
[Verse 3]
Plymouth city and a man lies dead
Acid on concrete, the newspapers said
Conservatives crumbling, suspending their own
Collaborating to topple a stone
Espanyol won after one hundred days
A little distraction to brighten the greys
A labourer of goals in a beautiful game
But nothing here is going to change
[Chorus]
Zero point three, it's a miracle, son
The numbers are up but the feeling is gone
Zero point three on the ledger sheet
While bodies wash up on the shingle beach
It's growth, it's growth, it's growth
[Outro]
[Drums continue, mechanical and cold]
Zero point three...
Zero point three...
[Spoken]
A stubborn flicker of prosperity.
For fuck's sake.
[Final discordant guitar chord]