Britain continues to defy the laws of economics—and apparently physics—by growing 0.3% while the Middle East burns, proving that nothing boosts GDP quite like collective distraction from geopolitical catastrophe. Nigel Farage insists his £5m gift isn't bribery, merely a generous 'thank you' for services rendered to the nation's economic self-harm, whilst Donald Trump cozies up to Xi Jinping in Beijing, finally finding a strongman he's happy to submit to. Back in Blighty, the King offers comfort to the grieving, a former imam is locked away, and Labour faces another round of soul-searching, all while Gen Z discovers that cinemas are brilliant precisely because you can't talk to anyone there. It's all going swimmingly, provided you sleep through the worst of it.
🎵 (s)Hit of the Day 🎵
Version 1
Version 2
📜 Lyrics 📜
[Intro]
[Processed sitar flourishes with delay]
[Tabla enters with slow breakbeat]
[Verse 1]
The graph ticks up by zero-point-three
The analysts predicted misery
But stubbornly the numbers grew
As if the doom were overdue
Iran is burning somewhere far away
Yet GDP has had its day
A little spurt, a minor gain
To medicate the economic pain
[Chorus]
And everything is fine, they say
Just look away and seize the day
The numbers dance, the falter stops
As credibility quietly drops
In the theatre of the absurd
The absurd is all we have observed
[Verse 2]
Nigel holds his five million tight
And says he's seen the shining light
A reward for all his Brexit toil
For drowning Britain in the oil
"I can't be bought," the fellow claims
A sentence that defies all names
For sale? Perhaps not, it appears
He came with all his principles in arrears
[Bridge]
[Fender Rhodes piano solo]
[Sarangi melody enters]
[Verse 3]
Meanwhile Donald courts the East
With Xi Jinping, he's quite impressed
The strongman bows to stronger men
And looks to find his comfort zone
The pageantry, the golden halls
He fawns and preens and drops the fraud
It's quite a show for those who see
A desperate man's epiphany
[Chorus]
And everything is fine, they say
Just look away and seize the day
The numbers dance, the falter stops
As credibility quietly drops
In the theatre of the absurd
The absurd is all we have observed
[Verse 4]
The King went down to Golders Green
To witness wounds that can't be seen
A mother cries the system's broke
While parole boards treat it like a joke
An imam jailed for wicked deeds
The system fails, the system bleeds
Polly writes her radical cure
But Starmer's hand stays insecure
[Verse 5]
[Whispered delivery]
The cinemas are filling up
With kids who've had enough
Of glowing screens and endless scroll
They want to lose themselves, be whole
Distraction-free, a quiet space
To disappear without a trace
And one young woman writes to ask
If twelve hours sleep could be the task
Her boyfriend's found the perfect cure
For二十二十-six's peculiar war
[Chorus]
And everything is fine, they say
Just look away and seize the day
The numbers dance, the falter stops
As credibility quietly drops
In the theatre of the absurd
The absurd is all we have observed
[Outro]
[Electric sitar solo with reverb]
[Tabla breaks down]
[Faded synth pads]
Perhaps the sleeper has it right
To close his eyes and sleep through the night
[Spoken] It's twenty twenty-six, after all
[Final synth swell]